Armed with all of the necessary tools to begin my journey, I revved up my motor and pulled onto the dating site highway. I decided to merge on slowly and start with just one site, eHarmony. I wanted to get in a few practice loops. This was a good way to start, as there was not much traffic on this road. Slow and steady, however, proved to be very frustrating. But, I did get a good warm up. I communicated with everyone that looked even remotely interesting. And, I did communicate and meet some interesting men…as well as some not so interesting men. But, try as I might, contact after contact really didn’t yield anything.
Just as I was feeling like I was incapable of continuing to move along, one of my friends suggested that I add another site. Well, that was a great suggestion. Why should I stick with a site that was yielding such minimal results?
So, I added match.com. This is where I realized that things could move quickly on the online dating highway. Match has a much more robust group of potential daters. Before I knew it, I started to accumulate “likes” and was getting more messages than I was able to answer.
I’ll stop here and provide a small tutorial for those that are not familiar with how the dating sites work. When you put your information into the profile site and activate yourself, a predetermined algorithm begins to search for other daters that are a good match for you based on your answers to basic questions. So, you immediately begin to get suggestions from the dating site of men who closely match your profile. Supposedly, these are your best chances to find a relationship. An email appears in your inbox that encourages a contact.
Makes good sense….right?
Mmmm…not as much…..
One morning when I checked my email, there was a picture of Santa Claus…..or maybe it was his brother. It was unmistakable. He had a shoulder-wide white beard that reached to his upper chest. Peeking out from his chubby, ruddy face were eyes that had a distinctive twinkle. Tempted as I was to clarify whether or not this was Saint Nick, I declined.
Then, there was someone who had used a “selfie” as his primary photo. The top of his head was cut off. So, I couldn’t actually see what he looked like. Perhaps this is how he really looked. Maybe he didn’t have a top of the head.
Next!
And, my favorite was the affable looking clown. I’m not kidding. This guy had a line of white hair above his ears that curled up into a small flip. The line continued around his head in a circle as far as I could tell. He had a look in his eye that made me think about “The Joker” of “Batman” fame.
Nope!
I found this so amusing that I sent the pictures to one of my good friends. I thought she would also find this funny. I was mistaken. Perhaps I don’t know her as well as I thought I did.
She was incensed.
Her response went something like this, ”How do they make these matches? There you are looking beautiful in your pictures and they send you these options?”
She was right, of course. But, this isn’t how it works. The computer doesn’t look at the pictures. It considers your data input. The computer is a machine, after all. It can only do so much.
At this point, I realized that in order to survive this experience, I would absolutely need the “great sense of humor” that I mentioned in the last post. I might even need to develop this further, although I wondered how this would be possible for me, as most things in life make me chuckle.
The other survival skill that I would need was a better strategy for sorting through the men. I was getting about twenty messages every day at the beginning of my search on match….and, was responding to most of them that seemed attractive in their photos.
After some time, I learned that there is no need to send a response to everyone that liked my picture. In fact, an experienced online dater friend counseled me not to pay attention any of the messages and likes I was getting. Most of them are just phishing and are not great matches.
I then had to learn to translate the lingo of someone who was looking for a “one night stand” so that I could weed out that group. The most common of the lingo was a note after only one or two text exchanges asking if I was free for a drink later. With this in my back pocket, I could more closely identify someone who was really looking for a longer-term relationship.
My seasoned online dating friend encouraged me to do my own sort in the database of men and make my own choices by reaching out to the men that I was interested in. This was a much better approach. I could control the people with whom I communicated, increasing my odds of finding someone who would be a better match.
Done, done and done…..
So, I donned my thick skin, my witty repartee and hit the road…..
Now, we’re talking…….
And, talking…..and talking…..and talking……
The rubber was on the road.
Discerning Diva Dates 